Looking back to looking forward, and still forward...
as i look to graduation in a few weeks, many people ask me if i'm excited about grad school. i look confused, sort of shrug and have a hard time convincing myself that i am. but i realize that it's not that i'm not excited about grad school... more that i'm no more excited about grad school than i'm excited about, tomorrow, for instance. any given day can be so full of amazing blessings, that i pretty much am just excited to be alive. to see so many blessings. to receive so much i don't deserve. to have friendships. to sing. to laugh. to think. just to be— it's pretty exciting. so i don't really get that hyped up about what's coming. i'm not sure how it's all going to play out, but i know i've always been content where i am and God's always been faithful to provide in whatever way's been best. i expect none of that to change. i know God won't change. i don't deserve His faithfulness. yet i KNOW i have it because He is God and He's faithful to His word.
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i wrote all that a while ago, and now i reread it months later, about to start grad school in a week. my thinking is still the same, and it is interesting that i mention God's faithfulness so much here, because i was thinking about that a LOT last night too. in 2 timothy is says, of Christ, that "if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself." that means i don't deserve his faithfulness and i get it anyway. it's humbling to think about. that is grace, indeed, and i am so thankful. as for the reality of grad school coming up, i went to campus today to get a few things straightened out about my courseload and my assistantship. i felt overwhelmed because i know it will be so much work to balance both of those and try to still be helpful at home (and to act human and loving under whatever stress happens!). i feel more at ease after having met the kind people i will be working for. but the responsibility becomes more real. i'm excited, incidently, because i'll get to take most of my classes in a building that used to be my church— that'll be neat! anyway, i expect these next few months/ years to be quite challenging yet encouraging. i will learn a lot, i know, and i'm both eager and nervous to have it all begin. the words to "great is thy faithfulness" keep going through my head, and i can't help but be glad for the life i've been given, soooo rich with opportunity.
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i wrote all that a while ago, and now i reread it months later, about to start grad school in a week. my thinking is still the same, and it is interesting that i mention God's faithfulness so much here, because i was thinking about that a LOT last night too. in 2 timothy is says, of Christ, that "if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself." that means i don't deserve his faithfulness and i get it anyway. it's humbling to think about. that is grace, indeed, and i am so thankful. as for the reality of grad school coming up, i went to campus today to get a few things straightened out about my courseload and my assistantship. i felt overwhelmed because i know it will be so much work to balance both of those and try to still be helpful at home (and to act human and loving under whatever stress happens!). i feel more at ease after having met the kind people i will be working for. but the responsibility becomes more real. i'm excited, incidently, because i'll get to take most of my classes in a building that used to be my church— that'll be neat! anyway, i expect these next few months/ years to be quite challenging yet encouraging. i will learn a lot, i know, and i'm both eager and nervous to have it all begin. the words to "great is thy faithfulness" keep going through my head, and i can't help but be glad for the life i've been given, soooo rich with opportunity.
posted by mle @ 12:32 AM
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